Saying no, limiting your presence, and prioritizing your needs over others’ needs is selfish – and that’s okay. When you extend yourself too little, and ignore signs that you need to set boundaries, you end up abandoning the people you most want to support.
“It is always uncomfortable at this moment to say“ no, ”but you are paying interest for saying“ yes. ”And the psychologist says,“ You will pay a lot of discomfort later. ” Andrea Bonior, PhD, On The last episode of Good + good podcast. When you say yes to things that you can’t quite commit to, “you’re basically buying some resentment out of any of your parts.”
Bonior, licensed therapist and wellness trainer Port b., Certified counselor and therapist Carrie Rosnack, LBCDiscuss the importance of setting boundaries and why not make you feel guilty for putting them in place, with host Ella Dove, Well + Good’s Director of Creative Development. When you always say yes to the events and tasks you don’t want to do or do I can not Do this, you’ll start to see signs that you need boundaries to appear.
3 signs you need limits in your relationships
1. You are constantly fumbling over plans
If you always cancel plans it’s a sign that you are overbooked.
“Peeling is the first place we start to see border erosion. This is really evident because people say yes, when they mean no,” says Dr. Bonior. “Or they say yes as a placeholder and they see, oh I’ll worry about that later.”
2. You’re always tired and exhausted
When you don’t set enough limits, you may find that you are not getting enough sleep or that there is too much in your schedule to allow time for rest.
“Your needs are really important and when we don’t focus on ourselves, we feel really overwhelmed and this affects every area of our life,” says Rosnac. “And when we focus on ourselves, we find, ‘Oh, I feel really good physically, I feel better my mind. Everything is going well for me. So we deserve to be selfish and it’s okay to ask for your needs to feel safe, so you can feel at ease. In a relationship where you are close to someone, you wish you were able to ask for these things and they want to make you feel safe and comfortable as well. ”
3. You feel resentful and frustrated
“Do you find yourself upset with so many people in your life?” It might be that you are not saying “no” enough, and you are saying yes when you really don’t need, says Dr. Bonior. And then you just end up disappointed. “
Learning to say no is the first step in solving this problem.
“Mina says, “It seems that the word” no “is this cruel thing, it is like the word curse.” “We think if we say to someone, ‘No, it’s the end of the world. It raises anxiety and it raises guilt. It raises a lot of issues. Learning to say no is an essential part of building borders.'”
Throughout the conversation, Mina Warsnaq and Dr. Bonior come home that boundaries are essential and that instilling them makes you a child, parent, brother, partner, and better friend.